Dual emotions, that's a thing right?

So, as I'm typing this I'm supposed to be a few hours away from landing in Spokane, where I was supposed to get of my third plane after +35 hours off traveling to be swept up in my super hot husband's arms...

but, I'm still here, on a mild Jo'burg early Fall evening in my parents guest bed room, thinking way too much and feeling all over the place. 

I'm so thankful that I get to be here, that I get to spend lazy late afternoons drinking wine on the stoep with my parents, dressing up barbies with my childhood friend's daughter, eating more braaivleis than I have in the past 17 months combined. 

I'm missing Ben like crazy, it's being apart like this that helps me see more clearly that "home" really is where we are together. It was a cheesy thing I'd say before we got married, but now it's more true than ever. What a gift it is to feel like that about someone. 

I'm furious and stressed out by travel arrangements gone wild with a certain German airline strike. 

Mostly trying to find some kind of golden and perfect way to fully appreciate being here, because I know once I go home I'll miss these times and I'll have to find another golden and perfect way to not get too down about not being here and fully be appreciative of other things. Does that even make sense? 

Isn't it strange, to be so happy and so sad at the same time. Please forgive the melancholy tone here, but it's something I face a lot. I'm not looking forward to having to say good bye to amazing family and friends here, but I can't wait to get off that plane to be home with Ben and the new life I'm building for myself in the US. 

It's because of this reality as an 'expat/ immigrant/ foreign bride...' that I try my human best to drink in every moment of those truly spectacular times. You know those? They're not hard to miss. My birthday a few weeks ago was such a day. A weekend away with my family, all the favorites, Ben, parents, little sister there. A game farm, a ridiculously slow and spontaneous 10km road race, wild animals and wild kittens. Coming back to spend a short time with friends I've not seen in long months, but make me feel like it was just the other day that we had our last glass of wine/cup cake/walk in the botanical gardens together. 

Here are a few (still) unedited photos of that weekend.

“And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.”

― Kurt Vonnegut