New camera: On being an idiot

Yesterday my fancy camera arrived. This is how the afternoon went down...

Takes stalk-y picture with phone of UPS man walking up to the building, sends picture to everybody.

Gets package

Shrieks

Attacks box with scissors, delicately

Giggles

Boxes within boxes, bubble wrap, plastic wraps, more little boxes within little boxes

Breaths, takes in moment.

Lifts camera out of box

Shrieks some more

Needs to charge battery for two hours,

Sighs

Get strangely productive...

Stares lovingly at long desired fancy camera

(Fancy= DSLR)

Charged

Lens attach... stress

First picture

(Oh the beauty of for reals shutter sound)

More pictures

Frustration

More pictures

Dreams of getting more lenses

More pictures

More frustration...

At this point I suddenly realized what was going on, it took less than two hours from taking in the joy of finally getting something I've been praying for years to wanting so much more. I want the knowledge, I want the lenses, I want Photoshop to make more sense... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!?

Then it struck me what a victory this moment was, what was I doing getting all sulky about it, like a spoiled child. Oh the utter importance of cultivating a heart of gratitude and how against my human self this goes.

I decided to stop stressing out, put my camera in 'point and shoot' mode and rush to the park for the last of 'golden hour'. Every sound of the shutter filled my heart with thanksgiving, what a joy this little material thing brought me.

What an idiot I was for almost missing out on celebrating this occasion.

Here are some 'point and shoot', no edits, straight from the memory card shots. They're titled "Yay and thank you, I have fancy camera" 

I look forward to learning! 

 

 

Happiness

Sapa, Vietnam 2010

“I cannot believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.
I think the purpose of life is
to be useful,
to be responsible,
to be compassionate.
It is, above all to matter,
to count,
to stand for something,
to have made some difference that you lived at all..”
― Leo Rosten

Going to South Africa and I'm terrified- 12 Reasons

You might have heard somewhere that traveling to South Africa is scary. Well, I'm here today to tell you that it totally is.

I left early November 2012 and this will be my first time going back.

Here are 12 things that totally terrify me about visiting:

1) How time will fly by faster than you can say 'gimmie-another-helping-of-potjiekos'

If there's any wisdom to be found in me as I approach 30 it's this. Time speeds up when you're having fun and slows down when you're unemployed. Fact! So I already know my time with family and friends and 7de Laan and J-bay will go by too fast. It's scary how fast time moves along, isn't it? 

2) Weight gain. 

(See my most read post ever on being a skinny girl here, so disclaimer out of the way)

You guys! Oh the things I will eat, it's getting bad. I'm even looking forward to eating things there that I can buy here, but don't because it's expensive/or not the same. Like sushi for one, mangos and litchis, Inside story, not to mention meat... I will be turning into a crazy carnivore on some days.

Yesterday I've even thought about wheatbix and sandwich spread, is that even a South African thing? Coke without corn syrup, I don't even like soda! Oh the horror!

3) Sunshine overload.

I'm totally terrified of what my body will do with all that sunshine, its not had to deal with real sun rays on a continuous base for what feels like months now. Will I get a sunburn? Imagine... sunburn sounds delicious and that scares me. 

Side note on weather: If those thunderstorms can stick around till March that would be great. Sorry Jo'burgers, I'm sure you're about done with the heavy rain round about now. It's just that I'm seriously missing the rains down in Africa.

4) Moving back will seem like such a good idea

Have you ever gone through a rough break up? You delete the guys number, block him off Facebook and try to move on with your life, then suddenly, you run into each other. You talk like old times and your silly little heart convinces you to try again. Only to run into the same problems? Well, I imagine my time in Jo'burg going a little like that.

So I'm nervous that I'll forget why we broke up in the first place, and think of all the reasons why we should try again and live happily ever after. I'm looking at you job market.

5) Buying more items from Woolworths than my luggage limit allows

Ah Woolies. Not to be confused by the international store Woolworth, WoolworthS is a magical place where underwear is quality, sweaters go to make it big and the food there  turns anybody into a foodie. So it's more a fear of missing out, on items I want, but won't fit.  

6) Getting teased about my Americanized accent.

Who likes being teased? Nobody! That's right Belinda, don't make fun of me saying 'yeah' instead of 'yes'.

While I seem to still sound fairly 'exotic' here I have noticed that my accent has changed over the past year and a half, so it's scary for me to think of what the comments will be. YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US! 

7) Driving on the left side again.

This fear is rather legitimate. I know first hand how unpleasant it is for all parties involved if you  find yourself in oncoming traffic. Especially now that I've gotten used to not driving stick. The worst part is that I'll get used to it and then come back and have to get used to the opposite all over again. Messes with my head.

8) Forgetting the do's and dont's of going on Safari.

We're hoping to spend sometime in the Kruger National Park while we visit. This will be spectacular, living on the other side of the world sure does teach you about the magic in your own backyard. This is not the scary part, the scary part is what if I forget that you shouldn't get out of the car? Or that buying a wooden girrafe at the Lower Sabi gift shop is a total rip off and won't fit in my suitcase anyway?? It send shivers down my spine just thinking about it.

must have in living room...

9) Buying all the things because of the exchange rate.

Right now the poor Rand isn't doing very well, sorry about that my Saffa friends who need to travel. On the other hand, it's like South Africa is on sale for the rest of the world. So hope you guys really get the tourism numbers up because of it. Sadly, we'll be using Rand and not Dollars with our spending, but the problem comes in with constantly doing the math and knowing how much cheaper somethings are. "This hamburger is $3! Wow, we should buy another one immediately" (See fear # 2)  

10) Instagramming overload.

If we've been friends for a while you'll know that I love me some Instagram. So what if, I get so caught up in trying to take amazing shots of all the places that I actually miss out on being in said amazing place with amazing people. This is the question of my life! Also, what if I post too many pictures of 'what I'm having for lunch' that people stop following me. It's the stuff of nightmares guys. 

11) Remembering how much I love my country and being around my people.

Not that I've forgotten really, I've just learned how to better cope with my departure over the last year and a half. My fear is this: I'll realize on a new level just how much it sucks being apart from people that I love so much. I'll realize how much I'm missing out on and then come home to Spokane only to start the battle of dealing with immigrating all over again.

12) Getting on that return flight come April 2.

No joke, this part sucks! I've traveled and lived abroad before, I've had to say good bye a lot and it never gets easy. Would some of you agree that it gets harder? I already don't look forward to this part of the trip.

The wonderful part at least is that I'll be coming back home to Ben (he leaves 10 days before me), I know I'll have missed him a lot in that short week and a half and look forward to being with him in our home again. Knowing that he'll be here waiting for me is what makes all of this easier and a little less terrifying. Yay marriage!

Some photos getting me excited for the Jeffery's Bay section of our trip:  

Yup, winter.

Winter sucks!  These links help:

Cup of Jo shared these ten tips... I'm a particular fan of 'do what you want', like my embarrassing addiction to watching 'One tree hill' on Netflix finally found the validation it needed.

Katie shared this delightful 'spring-y' post that helps me think of the glorious days on their tardy way.

I'm making this Crock Pot curry soon, because winter and because curry.

Exquisite Banana reminds that sanity is found in bundled up winter walks and snow ball fights.

I don't get to complain too much I think, because for one I have less than a month left of winter before we visit South Africa and secondly because it still takes my breath away when I look out my window to see sparkly snow covered everything despite it being -10 C.

Super fast, super healthy cookies for a crazy woman

The always cheerful and weirdly calm little fifties housewife alter ego in me says, with a sparkling smile:

"If you don't buy crap, you won't eat crap"

Some kind of healthy resolution I no doubtly picked up from hours on Pinterest.

What a stupid saying I thought as I stare blankly at the bag of spinach, farm fresh eggs and slow cooker chicken left overs.

I WANT CRAP! I want to stuff copious amounts of cookies and everything in my face. Rage.

There are only two options:

Run frantically to nearest bakery and try to explain over short breaths that you'll take the table in the corner, a 12oz coffee with room for cream and more seriously, explain with earnest that you don't want to see the bottom of a cookie plate, keep em coming, understand?

or,

You can bake something

But if you're annoyingly "health minded" or something stupid like that, this will be a challenge.

This post on 'Story of my life' saved the day.

The perfect answer to: I only have healthy stuff, but want cookies NOW dilemmas. That doesn't just happen to me right?

Her recipe calls for 1 cup oats, half a cup peanut butter, half a cup ground flax, half a cup chocolate chips, 1/3 cup honey and one teaspoon vanilla.

I had oats, so I knew this was going to be the answer to my mad woman cookie craving needs.

I used almond butter instead of peanut butter. Making me feel like the healthiest, smartest person around, because eating healthier makes you feel better than other people makes you feel healthy or something.  

I wasn't sure what ground flax was and had no time to Google that sort of minor detail. I figured, sounds healthy, you know what I have that's healthy? Coconut oil. Basically the answer to everything forever. So I added that.

I also didn't have chocolate chips, because, well see above stupid notion of not buying stuff 'that's bad for you'. I did however have a whole slab of Trader Joe's organic dark chocolate, it's so healthy that I don't even consider it a treat, more like a salad if you will. So I chopped that up and used that.

I had honey, organic, local free trade, conflict free, happy, made in the USA honey. Obviously. (Well my parent's in law have bees so there's the reason for that)

And vanilla, yes check.

I mixed it all together, used my bare hands to roll each spoonfull into little balls and placed them on some wax paper.

The recipe then suggests to cool the mixture in the fridge for a couple of hours.

COUPLE OF HOURS!

No time for that. That mixture went straight to the freezer. For about as long as it takes the lick the mixing bowl out and make a cup of tea.

Finally! Cookies, basically the healthiest yummy snack I could make. Win!

All is well with the world again. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make sweet potato wedges and spinach salad to go with the slow cooked chicken for dinner.

A small announcement

Admit it. You're here because whenever a newlywed says they have an announcement you think it's to do with a stork!

Well sorry to disappoint, no babies here. Only some wonderful other news:

We booked our tickets and we'll be in South Africa in 53 days! Well 53 days and 42 hours of flying.

It's for a visit. A.MONTH.LONG.VISIT!

I know I'm slightly over dramatic to announce it in this way, but it's cold and boring and we're on the tightest budget ever (see above reason), so it sure is big news to me, and my momma I guess.

To celebrate this South African news I'll share with you my fail proof recipe for making amazing South African Fudge. Or as I used to call it 'fudge'.

South African Fudge is American Fudge's hard core little sister, hard core because it's harder, coarser and chocolate-less, pretty bad ass if you ask me.

I promise you this, I'll not be making this for at least another few years. Not because it's bad, but because I made a zillion batches as Christmas gifts this past month. It's the perfect 'made with love', 'I'm playing up my exotic South Africaness' and budget gift (again, see above reasons). 

Zillionsof batches surely establishes my authority on the subject don't you agree?

Okay, let's get to work.

My secret weapon is:

A candy thermometer. As a first time fudge attempter you will not, I repeat, you will not know what the elusive 'soft ball stage' looks like. With this magic wand you'll know, and you'll fudge will turn out perfectly.
 
So there's that, get one! Or don't and end up with a soft mushy sugary mess that you'll eat with your bare hands as you wade back in forth in a dark corner, or what ever.

Next, find Golden Syrup. If you're in the US then go to your nearest World Market, that's where I found mine or some Trader Joe stores claim to have it, but not around my neck of the woods.

Ingredients:

-2 cups sugar
-5 Table spoons water
-4 Tablespoons unsalted butter (half a stick)
-2 Tablespoons Golden Syrup
-14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk
-1/2 teaspoon salt
-1 teaspoon vanilla extract


Step one:
Heat the water in a medium sized pot on medium heat, add sugar and stir occasionally until sugar is completely dissolved. Take care not to burn the sugar, except if you're going for the 'smoky burny' taste.

Step two:
Add the butter and G Syrup and stir until butter is completely melted, keeping this up at medium heat.

Step three:
Add the condensed milk and salt and stir until everything is combined well. Scrapping off any build up that forms around the edges.

Step four:
Wait till mixture is starting to boil, place your 'must have' candy thermometer to the side and give it roughly twenty minutes, stirring occasionally and keeping your eye on the thermometer, soft ball stage = 240 F/ 116 C. Important: Temperature must reach this in order for the recipe to be a success. Don't be a hero, trust the temperature!

Step five:
 Once you've reached the soft ball stage, remove pot from heat and allow to cool for about 5 minutes. Now, this is the fun part, add the vanilla extract and stir in like a mad woman (or man) for about 5 minutes straight, this will ensure a pretty texture at the end. Pour mixture in a container about 7" x 11" more or less, can be bigger can be smaller. I placed aluminum foil in my container (wax paper doesn't really work so well).

Step six:
Allow to cool for a few hours, but don't wait too long before you take the fudge out of the container and cut up into little squares. Trust me, on the 'little' part, these are crazy sweet! Allow to harden for a few more hours.

Step seven:
Store in an air tight container and share with friends and family. Or don't, return to dark corner and eat it all yourself, what ever, I won't judge.

 

The Artist's Way. Living a creative life

To read more books and exercise. To cut out the sugar and eat more kale. Spending more time outdoors and letting go of that Netflix subscription. These are the general hopes that come with a New Year and it's optimistic resolutions.

I'm  not one for resolutions, mostly to do with the fact that I'm not one for keeping resolutions, but I am ready to set some serious goals this year.

A word for 2014? I don't really have a word this year, some years I do and some years I don't, but I do get the feeling that this year will be about:

Working hard,
Learning hard,
and Trusting even harder.

I know I'm still young, although 22 year old me would think otherwise. I know that there's still time to be exactly who it is I want to be, and to do exactly what it is my silly ol heart yearns for me to do. Why didn't I feel this gracious time before.

On the other hand I feel as though as if time is running out. Running out for what I'm not sure. I have a sense of urgency I've obviously not felt before. This is not a bad thing.

A now or never kind of mentality if you will. The time to strive and achieve the creative life is now.

That's my hope for this year. To live a creative life.

To unblock these weird dreams of actually making a living off of my creativity.

For now my purpose is to be vague, I'm even too nervous now to say my dreams out loud. (but in time I will)

Have you heard of a book called 'The Artist's Way'? It's a 12 week course on the spiritual path to recovering the creative life you've always known you should be living. Having this book on hand fits in well with my 'use what you have' motto.
It's a little too weird for the normals, too normals for the weirds. Too New Age-y for the Christians, too Christian for the New Agers (that's a thing right?). I'll admit to you now that I'm committing to this 12 week course with some hesitations.

I've started and not completed this book maybe twice now, but I don't think I had the need to get over my artistic blocks like I do now.

I wouldn't call myself a struggling, suffering artist, but I do know that if I want to have the career I've always dreamed of I need to start taking this title way more seriously, just the artist part, not the suffering part.

I'll leave you with this: I'm committing to 12 weeks of intensive creative healing. 12 weeks is way easier for me to deal with than all this 12 months commitments I read about. I'll be sure to post about my progress here, maybe it can be a weekly thing.

Already I've started on writing morning pages and I'm almost done reading the tasks for the week one "Recovering a sense of Safety". My insides tighten as I read and write about this, my heart starts racing at the thought of sharing all of this with you. Guess those are indicators that I'm on the right path here. 

If this works for me then it will work for anybody. I'm a stubborn, impatient person with high ideals and big dreams, so if that sounds like you too then stick around.

I'll make 2014 count by giving my dreams a run for their money. Working hard at making my business work, learning even harder to get the skills I don't yet have and yes, copious amounts of trust in God. He did after all command me to not be afraid, because He is with me. So I'll be holding on to that for like ever. 
 

 Linking up with some inspirational ladies today, all of us sharing our hearts on how to make 2014 count. I'm excited.